WHAT IS A HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON AND AM I ONE?

Background

Most people who know me would probably describe me as fun, outgoing, and someone who doesn't take life too seriously. To some extent they are right, however I am also someone who feels things deeply which on occasion can lead to periods of intense highs, and deep, dark lows.

Roughly eight years ago I was diagnosed with depression. Since this time I've been more and more self-aware as a necessary mechanism for controlling my condition. More recently I've stopped taking anti-depressants after the realisation that whilst they were preventing the intense lows, they were also preventing me from feeling any real happiness. I felt like a zombie trapped within a tiny, monotonous, range of emotions. Thankfully since stopping the meds I feel like I've found myself again. I still have some dark moments of course but they just make me have a deeper appreciation for the highs.

One day whilst researching these periods of intense emotion I came across an article about a personality trait known as a Highly Sensitive Person that I'd never heard of before but resonated with exactly how I'd been feeling so in a period of self reflection I did a little more digging and these are some of my thoughts...

Highly Sensitive People

Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), is a term coined by psychologist Elaine Aron. According to Aron’s theory, Highly Sensitive People are a subset of the population who are high in a personality trait known as sensory-processing sensitivity (SPS). Those with high levels of SPS display increased emotional sensitivity, stronger reactivity to both external and internal stimuli—pain, hunger, light, and noise—and a complex inner life. Overall, about 15 to 20 percent of the population are thought to be highly sensitive.

HSPs are thought to be more disturbed than others by violence, tension, or feelings of being overwhelmed. They may, as a result, make concerted efforts to avoid situations in which such things are likely to occur. On the more positive end of the trait, high sensitivity is thought to be linked to higher levels of creativity, richer personal relationships, and a greater appreciation for beauty.

Signs That I May Be a Highly Sensitive Person

1. I have never enjoyed horror films - I struggle to either immerse myself into them, therefore finding them funny, or if I am immersed I feel deeply uncomfortable and get absolutely no pleasure or thrill out of watching the film. I just feel terrified.

2. I love music - Music can move me in a way that is difficult to explain. A single song can change my mood, thoughts, and energy levels. I try to listen to as much as possible and whenever I'm doing any kind of chore around the house I can always be found with my AirPods on.

3. Crying at TV/Film - I'm not ashamed to say that I have been known to get emotional whilst watching TV or Films, both in terms of sad storylines or even extremely happy storylines. I feel connected to the film and characters in a deep and empathetic way despite being fully aware that it is just a story. I just can't watch Marley & Me without shedding a tear and I'm sure I cried during every single episode of Ricky Gervais's Afterlife series.

4. Strong smells trigger my gag reflex - The number of times I have smelt something revolting and gagged or even been physically sick is phenomenal.

5. My mood is deeply affected by the mood of others - I can't help it. It annoys the crap out of me but everything affects me. If the person I'm with is feeling down then in all probability so am I. I may not always show it at the time (particularly if out and about) but inwardly I will be affected. Of course the same is true for euphoria, which is why I treasure great nights out with close friends.

6. I can struggle to concentrate with too much background noise - I'd always assumed that this was the same for everyone but I find myself having to consciously focus on a phone conversation in an office environment when I can hear other conversations occurring in the background. Thankfully having AirPods now blocks out the background noise enabling me to give full focus, however I can sometimes then lose awareness of how loudly I'm talking.

7. I can get irritable when trying to do too much at once - Again not something I'm proud of but true nonetheless. Prime example, particularly during lockdown, has been trying to juggle childcare and working simultaneously. It just wasn't possible as I felt like I was losing my mind.

8. Every now and then I need to lie down, turn the lights off and re-charge - Thankfully this doesn't happen often but occasionally I just need to turn off all stimuli and allow my brain the opportunity to 'un-frazzle'.

9. I like to get to know people and form deep friendships - Whether it's with work colleagues or people I meet and connect with I form deep long-lasting friendships. I've known my best mate since we were four years old and like most of my friendships even if we are not always constantly in touch when we do catch-up the connection is just the same and we pick up where we left off.

10. I get irritable when surrounded by mess - This is difficult when living in a house with three young boys (monkeys) but it definitely affects my mood and can lead to a compulsion to keep things 'orderly'.

11. I get overly annoyed at politics and world issues - Recently I've discovered that it's much better for my mental wellbeing when I make a concerted effort to not get involved in discussing politics on social media as I get too emotionally engaged. Issues such as climate change or those where people's lives or health are at risk for example Covid enforced restrictions, or immigration, are particularly emotionally draining.

12. I can't stand needless conflict - It just immediately makes me want to walk away from a situation either physically or mentally by disengaging. I can't stand it in real life and I can't watch shows (like Big Brother) where they try to create an environment of needless conflict.

13. I choose to be around positive people - Other people's negativity wears me down. It shouldn't (and I wish it didn't) but it does. In my spare time I spend my time with people who like to enjoy the moment. Related to this I can also have a relatively dark sense of humour which I think stems from a need to find some kind of humour / absurdity to bring some light to the darker aspects of life.

14. I believe that I'm emotionally perceptive - Whether I truly am emotionally perceptive isn't for me to judge I guess, but I believe I am. I often wonder why people are not picking up on how others are reacting to a message or conversation. Often it isn't even what is being said, more the manner in which the message is given that causes the unintended reaction. Sometimes we need to be more mindful of how our actions impact others.

15. I get hangry - Well to be honest it's more irritable than angry but being hungry does noticeably change my mood in a way that I don't like.

16. If I get woken up I look like a startled maniac - This is quite funny. Often if someone wakes me up my startled, jumpy, reaction actually causes that person to be even more startled than me. The look of shock on their face is priceless.

The Case Against

1. I have no problem with time pressures - Since finishing university in 2004 my working life has been built around delivering complex IT solutions within a pre-defined and often challenging time frame. I can honestly say that I don't believe that this has ever affected my mood or behaviour.

2. I have no problem with change, in fact I embrace it - I love change, doing new things, visiting new places, meeting new people. It's exciting, stimulating, and best of all it's a challenge. I love the achievement of accomplishing something new, for example just last year I started karate classes at the age of 37, just so that I could master a new skill and experience something I'd never done before. I'm not afraid to fail, I'm confident enough in my ability to learn new things quickly, and I'm more curious than George.

3. I don't believe that I'm any more sensitive to pain than anyone else - Supposedly a common sign of a Highly Sensitive Person but I don't believe that my pain threshold is any more sensitive than anyone else's.

4. I have no issue with loud noises - Another common sign of a Highly Sensitive Person that I don't think applies to me.

Conclusion

On balance I would suggest that the evidence suggests that I probably am a Highly Sensitive Person. The case for is simply and significantly greater than the case against, however this obviously hasn't been diagnosed by any kind of trained professional.

Another important consideration is that these conditions are seldom binary in a sense that you either have it or you don't. We live in a world where people are labelled with any manor of conditions but in reality there is usually a range of traits/symptoms that are individual to each of us and place us in different positions of a spectrum. As a good friend reminded me, "we're all messed up one way or another, it's about having an understanding of self and learning how to deal with it".

Assuming that my self-diagnosis is right and I am somewhere on the upper side of the HSP spectrum I see this as neither a negative or a positive, just another level of understanding of my self-inventory, helping me to better understand how my brain reacts to certain situations and why. On the one hand it means that I may 'enjoy' a piece of music in a euphoric state that may be alien to others but I can also become emotionally and mentally drained in a manner that others would never feel. It's all swings and roundabouts. Just another observation of what makes each of us individuals, after all variety is the spice of life...

Be kind to each other

Rob